August 7, 2017 3:32am
The absolute best, most miraculous, day of my life. My daughter was welcomed into this dimension of love and light. I keep reliving her delivery & it was remarkable,
and rewarding, all in one.
I give thanks to my body, for creating our perfect girl and providing a safe space for her. Then allowing her to pass gently yet forcefully here. And to God, ultimate gratefulness. He never left my side, ever.
I had been having Braxton hicks on Monday July 31. Since that day, they became more frequent and regular. They were soft and cute. On Saturday night around 11pm, they became deeper. More isolated in my back, still dull-ish, (in comparison to the ones before her birth) but they did not allow me to sleep. Reaching 3-5 mins apart. Laying down was difficult, I made a lot of noise to get through them. Some even made me throw up from the intensity. Oooooohs & ahhhhhs. Pinching, twinging and aches all around my lumbar spine and pelvis is the best way I could describe it. Each one took my breath away. These died down around 7:30am the next morning. They spread out to about 11 minutes apart for a large part of the day, I was wondering why it was stalling.
I couldn’t feel her bum in my belly like normal, only her limbs. She was in the posterior which means back labor. Her spine on my spine; not the ideal anterior position. So I began researching techniques and moved to get this progressing. Lots of birth ball hip circles, all fours, pelvic tilts, warm baths, and swaying. Sunday night around 7pm, they returned to their precious frequency. This time faster than before. We knew it was time. I was exhausted and becoming discouraged that it was prodromal labor.
Dan quickly packed and got the jeep ready for our hour and a half drive to the birth center. Classical music helped and paying attention to my breath. We arrived around 10:00pm. Ann welcomed us with hugs and we settled into the birth suite. My dad flew in from FL moments later and his presence there soothed me greatly, although I couldn’t vocalize it. She checked my vitals and as I laid down for her to check my cervix, my water broke. So much fluid, it was super warm. It was actually happening! I was 3cm dilated and very thinned out. From this moment it came full throttle. Intensity ramped up. Just when I thought contractions couldn’t hurt any worse, they did. I found myself on the toilet, in the dark bathroom alone (I asked for privacy). It’s so interesting how a laboring woman prefers this, so primal and animalistic. I threw up several times during surges. Letting out loud, deep moans every time one peaked. Deep breaths helped. We must have been there a couple hours and Theresa (another midwife) said things were moving very quickly by my behavior.
While in a challenging time through the pains, I heard an ambulance arrive for the woman laboring across the hall. This scared me. I suddenly needed to leave. I got stuck. Needed pain relief. An epidural. I told Dan this (prior to this day I told him to tell me no, no matter what, as I know this is usually a brief thought and baby comes shortly after this point of labor.) He encouraged me to seek other options, several times. As I begged, he helped to get me nitrous oxide, which did take the edge off but also left me a little “buzzed” feeling which was confusing. He helped me get in a warm bath for comfort but this position was hard to enjoy through back labor. He lastly suggested we check my cervix to see how I’m progressing. I was 5.5cm. How discouraging for me to hear (at the time). I was frank at this point that I wanted to go to the hospital, I couldn’t do this I felt. Longest 10 minute car ride of my life.
I couldn’t walk through each contraction, and I wasn’t getting rest in between. The wheel chair ride to L&D is a blur. I had to go deep into myself to not yell down the halls; breath was so so important looking back now. I got undressed somehow and into bed. They tried six times to get an IV in me to no avail, I had thrown up too much. The contraction intensity immediately turned into the urge to bear down. All energy I felt in my body flowed downward, intense but relieving.My torso wanted to tighten, my lungs wanted to exhale fully, my voice wanted to groan loudly and deeply, and baby wanted to meet us. Teresa checked me again, I was 9.5 cm. She told me to push and do what felt good, I was going to be meeting my baby girl soon. No time for an IV, epidural or pain medicine. I had a great birth team surrounding me, encouraging me with every push.
Dan was amazing at this point, holding my leg and breathing with me.
Pushing felt so good, like taking a big poo :o, with a better reward hehe. I gripped so hard on the railing as I was laying on my side; squeezing and breathing downward. I did this for 30 minutes. A nurse said “wow look at all that dark hair!”, I remember thinking 😲 what?! I was sure she’d be bald! The craziest part was the ring of fire. Super intense sensation! Dan was ecstatic next to me reminding me how great I was doing and how soon we’d meet Sage!
Moments later she was on my sternum. Warm and wet and vernixy and perfect. I was flooded with emotion, crying, laughing, so high, so in love. Pure ecstasy. She was beautiful, I dreamed of this moment. I did it. Dan and I had tears in our eyes. Disbelief and awe. So much going on around me but I couldn’t see or hear anything except her. Her crying and breathing was so amazing. Words cannot describe this feeling, not even close. I thanked God. I am forever changed and forever grateful.